Do you have a Zombie Survival Plan?

March 26, 2007 at 8:04 pm | In the art of bullshit, timesuck |

Not only are zombie flick fans politically savvy, but we are also experts in strategy:

In addition to political and eschatological appeals, there is another characteristic of the zombie genre: the strong desire of fans not merely to observe the zombie apocalypse but to participate in it. Shinji Mikami’s phenomenally popular Resident Evil video game is only the most prominent of more than 70 zombie game titles. (Resident Evil has inspired several films for the Japanese and Hong Kong markets as well as two—so far —Hollywood pictures starring the queen of the B’s, Milla Jovovich.) The humorous conceit of Max Brooks’ 2003 Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead is that the undead are another real-life challenge like personal finance or auto repair, and the book is filled with helpful advice drawn from the many movie tropes that have grown up over the years. (Samples: “Blades don’t need reloading” and “Get up the staircase, then destroy it.”) If you watch a zombie picture with fans, be prepared for intense practical discussions about strategy and the science of the resurrected brain. At their best, the movies support this literalness: The long sequence in Dawn of the Dead wherein the heroes secure and sweep the zombie-infested Monroeville Mall in suburban Pittsburgh is as carefully detailed, as true to the logic of tactics and terrain, as anything ever presented in a heist or war picture.

I have two pointy umbrellas and a machete in my room. GET AT ME, ZOMBIES. Just try it.

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If there’s a zombie apocalypse, I wanna be on the bitin’ side. Gimme the BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNSSS!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Fire Fly — March 26, 2007 #
[adds Dawn of the Dead to her Netflix queue]

This excerpt sounds like something Dante would have written, doesn’t it?

Comment by Clare — March 27, 2007 #
From Undead and Underrepresented: Zombifying the Political: “The following chant works well during public demonstrations. What do we want? BRAINS! When do we want it? BRAINS!” (But for my part, I plan to just hurl records at them, frisbee style.)

Comment by Joseph Kugelmass — March 27, 2007 #
NOW we know why there’s all those louvered windows. not earthquakes, not hurricanes, but improvized zombie-killing equipment!

Comment by K-dizzle — March 27, 2007 #
I miss our [drunk] Zombie nights…

Comment by Snuggle Bunny — March 27, 2007 #
i just saw a zombie movie at 5am with a couple of degenerates, drunk on bourbon. i think it was called “the zombie.” spent the whole time trying to debate whether the lady was hot or not. I wish I stayed up to see the rest of it so i can comment intelligently. unfortunately i passed out.

Comment by miso — March 31, 2007 #
[...] any rate, in my eagerness to construct my Code (in part to fortify my Survival Plan), I was ignoring the possibility of what FID (nodding to Zizek) refers to as a viral love. Speaking [...]

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